|2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2021 2022 2023January 01|
In Kingdom News today, Uncle Crimbo and his elves have
apparently agreed to a new work contract, and the weeks-long Crimbo strike has
ended. Inside sources say that included among the concessions made by Uncle
Crimbo to the elves were a "footstool slush fund" and "access to the
'grown-up' eggnog." Details regarding the long-awaited Elvish Dentistry School
education vouchers are sketchy at this time.
In related news, Crimbo Town
has inexplicably vanished from the Big Mountains.
new data center is doing some sort of equipment reboot tonight (Wednesday
morning at 1:00 MST) that they say will result in about ten minutes of
downtime. Just a heads up.
The January item-of-the-month is now available
in Mr. Store.
A new feature has been added to chat --
custom right-click menus! You can enable it from your account menu. This
feature is experimental, and may not work for everyone. See the documentation for more information.
The in-disguise portion of Itznotyerzitz Mine has been changed into
a fun mining mini-game. Also, the L33t Tr4pz0r quest has been altered a
The February Item of the Month is available in Mr.
Store. On time!
Additionally, there have been some changes to elemental damage in combat. The
separate types of elemental damage that you do are now enumerated during
combat, in stunning color.
Additionally additionally, there is a new element of damage in the Kingdom --
We're testing some stuff after rollover tonight, so it'll run a
little bit long. Probably no more than 30 minutes.
your campground (and your top menu) you'll now notice a Quest Log. This
currently underutilized new feature provides a way for you to keep track of
what quests you're currently on, and there's a section of it where you can
keep some notes. This is also where your accomplishments are displayed, now.
Also, there's some new stuff going on at the hippy camp. Take a
Over the next few
going to be converting a number of existing items into off-hand items. Check
out this post in
the forums for a list of affected items, and exactly what the change will
Okay, so, we've made some changes to the way
elemental resistance works. Instead of just being a "you have it or you
don't" situation, it now stacks up. Equipment and effects can give you
varying levels of protection, and your character sheet tells you how protected
you are against each element.
In other news, all dropped and crafted equipment is now enchanted. Like some
The long-awaited leaflet revamp has gone
live! If you were in the middle of or had finished the old leaflet, you've
been reset -- happy Valentine's Day, I guess. Thanks go to Riff for the
awesome new rewrite.
Also, Happy Valentine's Day! There are some new goodies in the Gift Shop in
Market Square to mark the occasion.
Rollover will be
long tonight (2/16) so we can perform a little bit of
Edit: Maintenance successful. Yay!
There is a new store in Market Square. Go check it out!
In the Account menu, you now have the ability to change the e-mail
address associated with an account. The way it works is a little janky, but
it's a necessary evil, what with the security and the scamming and the nice
Edit: March's item-of-the-month is available.
bunch of new skills are now available from your friendly neighborhood Guild
Trainer. All classes now have skills up to level 14, except Turtle Tamers, who
only got a level 13 skill, and Accordion Thieves, who got their skills all the
way to 15.
A new NPC (that's non-player character, for
all of you non-dorks) has been added to each of the class guilds. The
Car/Shore quest has been changed such that this NPC assigns it to you, rather
than the Council.
This is all he does right now, but there'll be more in the fullness of time.
Also, I was just kidding. No non-dorks play this game.
When you open gift packages, they'll now open most recent first,
instead of first-in first-out like they used to.
Also, the messages associated with gift packages should now correctly update
with the inside note once the package is opened.
Also also, why didn't anybody tell me that feature had stopped
Turtle Tamers have skills to level 15, now. More
notable, however, are the many, many changes we've made to Turtle Tamers and
their skills. Several skills have been changed; some removed, some added.
Check out this forum post if you
want to know exactly what's up.
The clan rank and
permission system has been revamped. You can read about the changes in this forum
Mr. Skullhead has updated the documentation on
scammers slightly. Check it out here and here, funk soul brother.
April's Item of the Month is now available in Mr.
The Spooky Forest has been updated a bit. It has
been made more interactive and streamlined, like a... uh... choose your own
We've added a leaderboard in the Hall of
Records for Noblesse
Oblige's Hardcore Ascension Contest. Because it's cool. The leaderboard
will go away when the contest ends. Not that I really needed to specify
A dodgy little man has set up a new booth in the
Casino. I wonder what he's doing there...
The first KWE
fights are occuring tomorrow! Check John Wilke's Booth for fight
The May Item of the Month is now
There have been some changes made to the way
booze works. First-generation mixed drinks (base booze + base fruit) have had
their quality improved quite a bit, such that it is no longer possible to end
up with a net loss of adventures from cocktailcrafting two things.
Also, Ode to Booze has been changed. Instead of giving a flat bonus of one
adventure per booze item, it now gives a bonus of 1-4, scaling with the
quality of the item.
The observatory, having completed its
upgrades, is now again open to the general public.
There is also a
leaderboard for most time spent stargazing.
Just a friendly
reminder -- due to the strangeness with KWE wager payouts, Xenophobe is going
to perform the wager payouts manually this time. Doing so will be slower, and
you may not receive your winnings until some time after rollover. Rest
assured, however, that you WILL receive your winnings correctly this week. You
will receive a notification in chat when your winnings have arrived.
The Disco Bandit skill Crossbow Fever has been changed. Instead of
giving a flat to-hit bonus, it now gives +1 damage per player level when using
This should make it just a weensy bit less useless.
The level 15 skill for Disco Bandits has been rolled out. Please
visit the Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts for details. And de
It's Tuesday! There's a new smithing recipe. Also
a new shield.
The June Item of the Month is now available
in Mr. Store.
Additionally, custom avatar forms are again available in Mr. Store. The
guidelines have changed, so be sure and read them before you trade for one.
Additionally additionally, there is a new item in the Demon Market.
We regret to inform any burgeoning astronomy fans in the Kingdom
that the LAAAAME Observatory has been destroyed by a direct hit from a comet
that ricocheted after colliding with Grimace. A large section of Grimace
itself has fallen to the Desert Beach; it is recommended that adventurers not
attempt to lick it.
At some point tonight, probably around
6:30 Arizona time, the guys at the data center are going to be replacing the
server that went down on Friday. The forums will go down for a little while
(they're guessing 15 minutes or so) and no non-cached images will load during
It's Tuesday! There's a happenin's
a'transpirin' on the Mysterious Island.
on the Right Side of the Tracks is complete. It looks like the penguins have
built themselves a Raffle House.
It's Tuesday! There's
that new item in the Grimoire. But wait! There's more!
The level 15 crafting skills for Seal Clubbers, Saucerors, and Pastamancers
have been rolled out. The Saucecrafting rollout required us to make some
changes to existing items and effects, so it might seem like you're missing
stuff, but you're not... Also, some cooking recipes (notably chow meins)
don't work the way they used to. There's a forum
post with details.
There has been a minor change to
the way the skills page works -- now, instead of removing a skill from your
list if you can't cast it, the skill is grayed out. (This apparently only
works in Firefox.) Skills which can only be used a certain number of times per
day (Pastamastery, Smile of Mr. A, etc) also gray out if you can no longer
cast them. There is an option on the skills page to revert back to the old
Additionally, Transcendental Noodlecraft and The Way of Sauce now allow you to
summon 5 noodles or reagents per day, if you have the Pastamastery or Advanced
Saucecrafting skills. (This is the way it was originally intended to be, but
we forgot to change the limits.)
Additionally additionally, the Cerebral items from the astral mushroom zones
now form an outfit, the Encephalic Ensemble.
and we've got two for Tuesday today.
All outfits now have an additional effect of some sort when worn. See if you
can figure out all of them!
A number of new shopkeeper images were added to mall stores. You can now
switch your shopkeeper name and picture without selling your entire store, for
1,000 Meat. Additionally, if you have a custom avatar, you can choose that to
be your shopkeeper picture as well.
It's random interface
upgrade time! A new feature called "Quick Skills" was added. You can enable it
in your account menu. Quick Skills allows you to use your skills and buffs and
MP restorers in a small form on the top part of the screen, allowing you to
quickly replenish your MP and effects without having to go to the skills page.
browsers. (Internet Explorer and Firefox work fine; other browsers may
The MP restorers form may, in the future, be expanded to allow you
to use any multiusable item, if enough people think it's a good idea. Look for
it some time in the future.
It's Tuesday! (At least, for
us, it still is.) The Moxious Maneuver button has disappeared, and is now a
choice in your Use Skills menu in combat. Additionally, Moxious Maneuver is
now affected by -MP cost items.
Also, more elemental tests have been added to the Daily Dungeon (including new
sleaze tests.) These may not show up for a day or two, due to the Daily
Dungeon's randomness, but you'll know 'em when you see 'em.
July's Item of the Month is now in Mr. Store.
It's Tuesday, and what a Tuesday it is! The next stage of Riff's
Guild Quest project has been rolled out, along with some changes to the zone
Is it Tuesday again already? Doc Galaktik needs
Also, some PvP changes have been rolled out. Each fight is now best of 7
rounds, instead of best of 5, and a bunch of new minigames have been added.
Also also, check your account menu for some optional inventory interface
Also also also, a couple of new star items can be made now.
Tuesday's coming. Did-- err, Tuesday's here.
The Knob Goblins have discovered a new section inside of their glorious Knob.
Beware the inhabitants therein, for brute force may not be enough to keep you
The Grimoire also has a new item.
Thanks to your generous
support, we have been able to purchase and install three new webservers. www6,
www7, and www8 are online and working. The fight against lag
The reward scheme for the Giant Garbage quest
has been made a little more interesting. We also added a bunch of new cooking
recipes. Some interesting, some not so interesting -- it all depends on your
threshold for finding things interesting, I guess.
Also, all class skills level 4 and under have had their training costs
reduced, and the trainer is unlocked after you complete the first Guild
challenge. We'll fill in some sort of reward for the third one
August's Item of the Month is now available in Mr.
A bunch of new crafting recipes have been added,
as well as a couple of new drops from monsters on the Island. Item drops.
Not, like, eyedrops. There are already too many eyedrops in the
We've done a minor revamp of the Accordion Thief
skills. Some underpowered, unpopular and underutilized ones were made better,
and a few of them were reordered and/or had their MP costs
There was a glitch in the Raffle House
yesterday that caused the prizes to not get handed out. Though tickets from
yesterday may have vanished from your inventory, we still have records of the
purchases, and the tickets will be applied to today's raffle. Also, twice as
many prizes will be awarded today.
Sorry. To make it up to you, we've added a whole bunch of new Meatsmithing
recipes, changed some old ones, and made some improvements to the way the
Comma Chameleon (August's Item-of-the-Month) works. See this
thread for details on the Chameleon changes.
Clover Lover Tuesday! A bunch of new clover adventures have been added to
various zones, and the letter from King Ralph XI that you get after you ascend
now gives you a clover.
All monsters can now get both
critical hits and fumbles in combat. This change is accompanied by special
critical and fumble messages unique to each monster. Yay, more dumb jokes!
Also, the Icy Peak is now finally a real zone. Several new monsters and
encounters have been added, making it significantly less boring than it used
to be. Yay, more content!
September's Mr. Store item is
now available. Hoorah!
Gnorman the Supertinker, that
sly old dog, has learned some sly new tricks.
Also, by popular request, the Auto Attack option in the Account menu has been
expanded to allow you to automatically attack with any combat skill or spell,
not just your weapon. Xenophobe is back in town with an interface-improving
The old, boring "You hit for X damage"
messages in monster fights have been augmented with more specific messages
based on your weapon and the monster you're fighting.
8 New Zones!
So, yeah. We dropped a significant amount of new content in tonight. Finding
it will be at least 1% of the fun! Please note that we'll probably be
tweaking and/or rebalancing the new content over the next couple of weeks as
we watch people play with it, so please feel free to constructively criticise
in the forums.
As always with new content, though, please refrain from posting spoilers in
chat or the forums for at least a couple of days. Secrets abound in the new
areas, and you wouldn't want to ruin them for people, now, would you? Even if
you would, we don't want you to, so please don't.
Due to a stupid error on the part of Xenophobe, we accidentally had
the long rollover tonight (when it was supposed to be the rollover after this
one.) The good news is that it took less than an hour -- much shorter than
originally calculated. Long rollovers such as these will continue, starting
next week, on Saturday night, Arizona time. (8:30 PM, -7 GMT)
At long last, familiar kills have been separated from familiar
experience! Familiar kills, which (currently) only increment after defeating
monsters, do not get reset after ascension. Familiar experience, which can be
gained from fights and the arena, operates like normal. For the benefit of
those who have high kill counts, familiar kills have been set equal to
experience, so those of you holding out to ascend because of a high kill count
familiar may do so.
The oft-overlooked fortune cookie
has been the recipient of a reimagining. They're now food, and available at
the Demon Market. The fortunes inside have been changed to context-sensitive
hints about quests and whatnot.
Also, I apologize for using the word "reimagining" in the above paragraph. It
won't happen again.
Just like those awful boots you
might have worn in the 60s, October's Item of the Month is a go-go.
Additionally; late, but not forgotten, a new hilarious item is
Starting tomorrow, the way the hermit doles
out clovers has been ner... uh... enhanced. You'll see.
Also, there's a new mini-questy-type thing in the Manor
Happy 2nd anniversary, Mr. Store! The
Cymbal-Playing Monkey and Attention-Deficit Demon have been retired, and two
new, functionally identical familiars have taken their place. They're cute,
cuddly, and need good homes.
(starting Monday, 8:30 PM, Arizona Time (-7 GMT)) will be a long rollover,
taking as many as two or three hours (though hopefully less.) We are
performing some maintenance on the database servers that should (hopefully)
reduce lag (and reduce parenthetical statements. (We hope it
We're back up, after performing the
configuration changes to the database server. Everything seems to be working
just fine, but I wanted to give you a heads up -- in the extremely
unlikely event that something goes horribly wrong after we let people back
on to the servers, we might have to roll back to last night's
Minor update today -- some new pies are in the
Speaking of pie, there are also some new shirts available in the Store of Loathing -- they'll protect
your torso from any pie that might try to slide out of your mouth and get you
Clan furniture has gotten a serious
facelift. The old gym stuff and the rest of the furniture are now in a Clan
Rumpus Room, and there are tons of new furniture options available. Tons, I
A new clan feature, clan advertisements, has
been released. Clan leaders can now take out an advertisement, which will be
displayed alongside the clan's furniture in an all-new clan search page! The
new search page allows you to search clans by member count and furniture, and
also shows the top 10 clans, as favored by the Council of Loathing. (The
Council of Loathing likes clans who spend a lot on advertising, come to find
The Flea Market has undergone some minor changes.
The fee to list an item has been reduced from 100 Meat to 10, and the Market
now takes a 1% cut of the final selling price of an item that sells.
Hopefullly this will lower the barrier for entry for new players a little bit.
In unrelated and not-nearly-as-exciting news, 6 new trophies were
November's Item of the Month is now available in
Mr. Store. Due to the real-life and in-game holiday traffic jam, there's no
official Tuesday update. Sorry -- we'll try to make it up to you next
There are some new leaderboards in the
"Familiars" section of the Hall of Records. They enumerate the fastest
ascensions using specific familiars.
It's Tuesday, and
we're only a week late for Halloween! We've added a bunch of new encounters
and items to Spookyraven Manor. Enjoy!
A few new
shirt drops have been added, for those players aware of their torsos.
Plantman knows where the plants will grow.
Also, the Crackpot Mystic now has a "make as many as possible" option for the
items he crafts. There should no longer be anything to whine about regarding
the Crackpot Mystic.
There's a new system for
transferring clan leadership when a leader gets deleted from inactivity or
doesn't log on for a long, long time. Check this forum post for details.
It's Clantastic Tuesday! The way clan buffs work has been changed,
and a few new types of buff have been added. There have also been a bunch of
visual and organizational improvements to the clan hall interface in
The Haunted Pantry, the Sleazy Back Alley,
and the Outskirts of Cobb's Knob have all been renovated. Some streamlining,
some new mini-quests, various and sundry improvements.
December's Item-of-the-Month is now available in Mr. Store.
Also, the first part of the Crimboween event has begun. Check your campsite
to see if anything has spookily materialized there.
Also also, due to the scope (and gradually-unfolding nature) of the Crimboween
stuff, we're going to take a break from our regular Tuesday updates for the
rest of December.
Uncle Crimbo is back from his
tropical vacation, and he brought presents!
Check your inventory for holiday goodness. It'll be buried in the giant and
cumbersome Miscellaneous section.
December 312003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2021 2022 2023back to login
Happy New Year! Our
resolution this year is to deliver each and every one of 2007's
Items-of-the-Month on time.