Of CRIMBCO and Hobos
As Crimbo season drew near in the Kingdom once again, there appeared in Hobopolis an alley overrun with elves, known by the cryptic name of Elf Alley. Adventurers who visited there reported a number of strange elf-hobo hybrids, presided over by one Uncle Hobo. Uncle Hobo could only be defeated by hurling gifts at him with a catapult one of the elf hobos thoughtfully provided, and even then only temporarily: he only vanished, muttering about how "the magic doesn't want the monstrosity in charge," and always reappeared if another adventurer wanted to fight him.

At the same time, an Advent calendar appeared in every adventurer's campsite, much like previous Crimbos. But this time, each section of the calendar gave forth not a merry, jolly, delightful gift; instead, adventurers got bland and inoffensive trifles branded CRIMBCO, the holiday conglomerate.

When adventurers got to Crimbo Town, they found a giant office building called the CRIMBCO corporation, run by the mysterious Mr. Mination. Instead of slaughtering elves or penguins or anything else fun, adventurers battled their own boredom doing menial office tasks like filing and making presentations, while engaging in diversions like the Book of Faces and the Best Game Ever. They also were invited to take part in a mandatory Secret-Santa style program, buying bland and impersonal gifts for one another.

In the end, Mr. Mination turned out to be the Crimbomination himself, wearing Uncle Crimbo's hat of power, bent on turning Crimbo into a branded, corporatized, generic holiday to maximize profit. But Uncle Hobo snuck through the ventilation ducts into Mr. Mination's office, and in a nail-biting showdown, tricked Mr. Mination into giving up the hat. Uncle Hobo became Uncle Crimbo once more, and used Crimbo magic to turn the Crimbomination back into the half-dozen elves of which that monstrosity was comprised.

And so everything was grand in Crimbo Town, forever.


Part I : The Story Thus Far
Part II : The Elfretariat
Part III : The Halloween Incident
Part IV : Crimboween
Part V : Where in Time is Uncle Crimbo?
Part VI : Once You Go Blackstory, You Never Go Backstory
Part VII : A Polyhedral Harbinger
Part VIII : Rise of the Crimborg
Part VIIII : A Black and White Crimbo
Part X : One More Indecent Accident
Part XI : Of CRIMBCO and Hobos
Part XII : I Want Candy
Part XIII : Dreaming of a KAWAIIII Crimbo
Part XIV : Cyborg Bears? Sure Why Not
Part XV : Factory Complexities
Part XVI : A Tale of Two Things That Happened

documentation home