Dependence Day
Under the benevolent reign of King Ralph III, peace had reigned in the Kingdom for decades. The peasants prospered and became middle class, the middle class prospered and became wealthy, and the wealthy voluntarily gave all of their wealth to charity and became peasants. The cycle of wealth re-distribution was overseen by King Ralph's noble royal army, who facilitated all the exchanges and collected a modest pittance for the royal coffers. Unlike other extravagant monarchs, Ralph had only one solid-chrome swimming pool, and his vault full of meat was barely full enough for wading, let alone full-on bathing.

So all was well in the Kingdom, until a malcontent by the name of Frank Vivala began agitating for revolution. Vivala, it is widely believed, was jealous because King Ralph was more handsome than he was; in addition, Vivala may have also been suffering some sort of degenerative mental disease brought on by sexual promiscuity. In any case, Vivala claimed it was unfair for the King to collect taxes without letting the general populace have a say in how the country was governed. Apparently in addition to his other flaws, Vivala was unclear on the definition of the word "monarchy."

Despite King Ralph's repeated requests for him to knock it off and act reasonably, Vivala rounded up a rag-tag band of insurrectionists and engaged in a few acts of domestic terrorism, most notably dumping an entire shipment of herbal tea into the harbor. The peaceful, tea-loving denizens of the Kingdom were outraged, and pressured the normally peaceful and diplomatic King to put a stop to the rebellion.

On Bor the 4th in the second year of the Blender of the reign of King Ralph the III, the royal army soundly defeated Vivala's annoying and ill-mannered revolution. Vivala escaped into the mountains to live a solitary life of reflection, his band of terrorists thoroughly routed.

Thereafter, on every 4th of Bor the citizens of Loathing light fireworks and celebrate how wonderful it is to have a King who cares about them and takes care of the boring business of keeping things running smoothly. The celebration is commonly known as Dependence Day. With King Ralph XI imprismed, it's more important than ever to make merry on Bor the 4th, unless you're some kind of treacherous Vivala sympathizer.

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