The Kingdom of Loathing

The Kingdom of Loathing
An Adventurer is You!

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The Kingdom of Loathing was once a pleasant place, where all the citizens loathed one another equally and nobody caused too much trouble. Under the gentle rule of King Ralph XI, peace had prevailed for as long as anybody could remember.

One fateful Porktober morning, a Sorceress came to the Kingdom. A Naughty Sorceress. A Naughty Sorceress who was clearly up to no good, and even more clearly up to plenty of bad. King Ralph sought to expel the Naughty Sorceress from his Kingdom, but she imprismed him in a black crystalline shard of curdled magic. It was very dramatic.

Monsters emerged from their hidey-holes to terrorize the citizens of Loathing, and larger monsters emerged from larger hidey-holes to terrorize those monsters, all under the control of the Naughty Sorceress.

In the King's absence, the Council of Loathing convened to attempt to impose order on the Kingdom. Their success was limited, however, to imposing their will on adventurers who came to the Kingdom seeking fame, fortune, or quality products at reasonable prices. And as you've probably guessed by now, one of those adventurers is you!

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Seal Clubber
Seal Clubbers hail from the frigid Northlands, because one character class always hails from the frigid Northlands. They rely on their Muscle to survive.

Turtle Tamer
The Turtle Tamer's mystical connection with his terrapin brethren imbues him with great power. He excels at moving very slowly and winning footraces with smug satisfaction. His Muscle is the key to his success, and to his long lifespan.

Pastamancer
With his mastery of the arcane secrets of Noodlecraft, the Pastamancer is a force to be reckoned with. He relies on his Mysticality to get ahead in the world.

Sauceror Long engaged in an uneasy truce with the Pastamancers, the guild of Saucerors protects the secrets of the Ancient Brotherhood of Gravymakers. Their Mysticality is their most important attribute.

Disco Bandit
The Disco Bandit boogies to and fro, hither and yon. Whence comes he? No man knows. Whither strikes he next? All men live in fear of him and his Moxie.

Accordion Thief
The scourge of mariachis and polka bands, the Accordion Thieves have plied their malign craft since time out of mind. Their Moxie serves them well in both their adventures and their interactions with "the ladies."